Wednesday, 23 July 2008

Let's Enbloc Organs!

Received this email which insists that the Health Minister Mr Khaw need not worry about procedures for organ trading; just use the enbloc law since it works so well! I've reproduced verbatim.

Email Subject: En-bloc Organs the Way to Go Man!

Mr Khaw Boon Wan don't need to look further than our en-bloc regulations to implement organ trading. After all, there are similarities - Your organ is not your own, your organ is not protected by the Constitution, your organ is more important for society, society want the best for your organ!

Step 1: Getting the stakeholders!
Suppose you want to sell your kidney. You have a total of 50 living relatives in the world. Gahmen issues you the same number of random citizens, so 50 citizens. You need to hire a marketing agent (anyone with experience on enbloc, sure can sell your organ wan!). Your agent has to convince 80% of your 100 stakeholders if you are 30 years and above (30 yrs is chosen as the threshold because of scientific evidence from University of TalkCock so dun pray pray). 90% of your 100 stakeholders if you are younger than 30 years old. If you wish to donate gahmen protected organs (like brain lah if you have Ph.D., reproductive organs if you have university degree) then the threshold is 50 years old (must make sure you use them first, for country!). All stakeholders will get a cut of the profit from selling your organ, and of cuz the more organ you sell, the better!

Step 2: Getting the majority vote!
Marketing agent has 1 year to obtain 80% or 90% vote from your stakeholder. They then have 1 year to public tender your organ and apply to Ministry of Health for approval of sale. From tremendous enbloc experience, agent can split stakeholder group into "sell sell" group - mostly random citizen who dun know who you are and dun care, "die die dun die" group - close relatives who worry you might not survive the organ operation.

Step 3: Public tender!
Now agent will put your organ up for public tender. Of course, if got under-the-table offer, can consider lah. Dun worry, you dun have to worry about the highest bidder, sometimes lower bidder but from reputable family who needs your organ for future of Singapore, can oso. You will always make the right judgment call.

Step 4: Application to MOH for approval
Now must send your application to MOH for approval. A Organs Donation Board will be set up consisting of lawyers, engineers, architects, business consultants. People who knows what's best for you! They will decide if sale is done in good faith by checking on (1) sale price, (2) organ renewal potential - whether your body part is going to someone better in society or not (3) relationship of buyer to seller - obviously the closer the buyer is to seller the better.. organ type compatability lah! Dun worry if your agent blackmail your relatives, threaten to take their organs instead, all this is legit since sale still done in good faith.

Step 5: Minority objection
No such thing. For show only. Organ is for betterment of Singapore. Objector can appeal to High Court but why waste money?

Step 6: Completion
Your organ is not your own anymore. You cannot do anything to damage it, like go on beer binge, buffet, char kway teow. Buyer reserves the right to call upon you to operate on your body, just to make sure what they bought is what they want. And clear anything in the way, like blood vessels. No worry, buyer's surgeons have the best of concerns for your organ. I mean, for you!

Step 7: If more than 1 organ
If you intend to sell more than 1 organ (kidney, liver, reproductive organ, toe, finger, eye, ear), then must set up sale committee who has the best interests of your organs in mind. SC must be people with the highest standing, are professionals with plenty of experience. You can find them in the Classifieds under Organ Raiders. They will do their best to sell your organs to the best (not have to be highest) bidder. They will get a cut of the profit for their services. They don't need to know you, they just want your organ!

See, Health Minister no need to worry! The en-bloc law is unfallable and faultless! The Organ Donation Board only need to rubber stamp and approve sale. After all, the recipients are bound to be very successful citizens of Singapore whose lifestyle ruined one or two organs, no worry, can just buy and replace cos got money! They are more important to society!

So let's en-bloc organs!

[Note from Dr M: Not sure if I should be worried about this email, or take it as tongue-in-cheek. God help us if it's actually taken seriously!]


itshometome said...

I love it! Everything can be rationalised as thus!

Anonymous said...

haha The funniest thing I've ever heard in a long time! Logical yet funny! :)

Anonymous said...

P.S. For those with you can raise awareness of LET'S ENBLOC ORGANS at Just DIGG IT!

Anonymous said...

Well ther are more horror stories than enbloccing stealing your organs when you are drugged.

The other enbloc idea which I have no doubt is going to be the next thing online is enbloccing your niche for your ashes where u die.
I know there are some who chose to convert to Christianity because the niches in churches are cheaper by the sq.metre than Buddhist temples. So book yours early unless of course you want to contribute your ashes to the land reclamation exercise .